And I have this ritual:
1. Steer and brake to a stop in a parking place.
2. Turn the key to kill the engine.
3. Pull the parking handbrake.
4. Release the clutch.
5. Open the door.
6. Get out.
7. Get my bag.
8. Go in to my appointment or task.
During the past several years, I added a step:
1. Steer and brake to a stop in a parking place.
2. Turn the key to kill the engine.
3. Pull the parking handbrake.
4. Release the clutch.
4.a. ASK MYSELF, "DO I WANT TO BE HERE?"
If YES…
5. Open the door.
6. Get out.
7. Get my bag.
8. Go in to my appointment (or task).
If NO…
5. depress the clutch.
6. turn the key to ignite the engine.
7. release the handbrake.
8. drive away.
9. handsfree, as I drive away, I call the person (if it was an appointment) and explain that I'm not coming in for the appointment. The person might ask, "Is everything OK?" I would say that everything is OK, I just don't want to be there.
When that last step happens, it's very awkward. It's rude.
This might be a good time to announce that I'm not a social role model.
I'm Not A Social Role Model.
It doesn't take many iterations of Step 9 above before your career starts to erode.
People don't like such mercurial rudeness.
You might be thinking, "He can't live that way. That's no way to live."
It is, because…
And Then Something Good Happened.
After just a few Step 9's, I found that I can avoid Step 9 by scheduling only those events that I really want to attend.
Wanting to be somewhere isn't a choice when I arrive. It's when I schedule the arrival in the first place.
These days, I want to be just about everywhere I arrive.
How Do I Do That?
Imagine arriving in the car. Will I be thrilled to see this person? To talk about this subject? If it turns out to be a sunny day, will I want to walk inside for that moment?
This isn't difficult or deep. Close your eyes and imagine the future.
What Does It Mean To NOT Want To Be There?
You know what it feels like. You are thinking, "I don't want to be here."
Perhaps you have to be there. You might have one of those jobs (like 99% of the world, experts guess) where you have to be there even if you don't want to be there.
I don't know what to advise if you have to be where you don't want to be. But I think we might agree with this:
- You aren't fooling yourself. You can't talk yourself into wanting to be where you don't.
- You aren't doing the best work of your life. We aren't our best when we are where we don't want to be.
- You aren't fooling anyone else either. The other person knows you don't want to be there.
- I'm out on a limb here, but I also think the other person doesn't want to be with you either. Your desire not to be there might be contagious.
One More Step.
When I have the presence of mind, upon arrival, just before asking "Do I want to be here?," I might add a silent blessing of thanksgiving. Thankful that I arrived safely. That is not guaranteed.
45,000 people in the United States died on the roads last year. How many died on the way last year? 1,240,000 worldwide, based on the latest data. 36,166 in the United States during 2012.
(Why don't we care more about that?)
Do You Want To Be Here?
Do you want to be reading this? If not, depress the clutch! Get out of here!