There’s been some mischief in the yard.

First, sister Dory reported from Tucson that some unidentified person(s) left unwrapped meat on her mailbox. Because it was ham, suspicions turned to anti-Semitism (because ham is not Kosher). But an Arizonan rabbi doubted, “You think it’s a hate crime because you were hammed? Frankly, it just seems like kids being naughty with luncheon meats.”

Now, this week, mother Jackie in Columbus was hit with mayonnaise. Lots of it. All over her garage door in streams, like graffiti left by Julia Child. Young son Duncan hosed it off, but the sting remains: “Who would do this to me?” Indeed: who sprays mayonnaise on garage doors?

I’m not paranoid, but I’m waiting for someone to loaf me with bread, just to complete the Sandwich Criminal. Don’t laugh: you’re next, with a Kosher dill.