One of my friends picked up his daughter after an eighth grade dance.

"I saw what was going on," he told her. It was one of those dark,
sweaty affairs with loud music and lots of bodies crushed up against
each other. "Here’s what was going on: pre-sex. You need to
know that the boys were simply trying to work the girls up, to get them
to a certain situation. That situation is sex."

He continued: "You know why I’m saying this. But do you wonder
whether I know what I’m talking about? I do know what I’m talking
about. Here’s how: I used to be on that side of the game. I used to be
on the boys team. In fact, I was captain of that team. And my seasons were undefeated, all victories. I knew just how to get the girls where I wanted them."

"Now, however, I’m on your team," he said. "I’m the coach of
your team. I am here to tell you how the other team thinks and plays,
because I used to be their captain."