O.K., now. I've been training for this announcement for most of my life.

Every morning, I rise early and read the syndicated advice columnists. I've read Dear Abby and Ann Landers for more than 30 years. Sometimes, I think they have honest, straightforward, helpful advice for the reader. Sometimes, I'm disappointed by what seems like a lack of perspective.

In the morning newspaper, I keep up with the ethicists, the moralists, the psychologists, the etiquette mavens, the grammarians, the financial analysts, and the smart asses who write letters to the editors.

I clip out their questions and offer them — as pop quizzes — to my Sunday school students. (After debate, the students often ask, "What was the answer? What did Dear Abby say?" I always tell them, "Who cares? It's your answers we need to understand.")

So, Here's The Deal
Net Cotton Content will continue with its nearly daily ramble of topics usually around odd stories with attention to marketing, ethics and creativity.

But, as Uh, Artie?, I am also inviting you to offer questions for which you seek answers. There is no limit to the range. If I'm truly unqualified to answer you question (and I'll be the judge of that), I will say so. Or I'll find an expert to answer your question. Or I'll just pretend I never received your question, you poor sonovabitch.

Disclaimer: There will be shocking disregard for quality control.

Feel free to send your questions to me, Uh, Artie?

If you write, answer these questions:

  • May I include your name?
  • If I may include your name, do you want me to link it to a URL? (IF so, tell me your URL.)

Otherwise, all writers' identities will be kept confidential.

By writing to Uh, Artie?, you give express permission for your words to be reprinted online and in any medium without credit, attribution or compensation. Thanks!

And, of course, if this is a true emergency, please close your browser and dial 911.