I wrote about droopy drawers a year ago May, and I thought I might have had more of a positive effect.
But, a year-end glance out the car window this week revealed that many of Today's Youth are hobbling around with their pleats at their knees.
And, speaking of Today's Youth.
Today, I was asked by a bright country lad, now working in the Woodland Paintball Industry and aspiring to serve our country in the United States Marine Corps, what I thought of young men whose pants sag.
Here's what I told him.
It's fashion, I do understand. And — just look at me — I don't know much about fashion.
But I do (think I) know common sense, and here's a dose:
1. The Marines won't go for it.
The moment you hit Parris Island, your pants will climb up on their own, if they know what's good for them.
The Marines have seen the movies. The ones where the wolfman or the boogie man chases people and kills them. He always catches the damsels in high heels. Or, presumably, the guys in low Levi's.
So the Marines see wearing belts as more than fashion. They see it as a good defensive tactic.
2. My clients wouldn't have been impressed.
When I was hiring people, I discriminated against job candidates without tight belts. (They aren't a protected class in EOE law.)
I figured, my clients would ask me: "Say, Artie, are you hiring the smartest people in the world?"
I would nod, yes.
"Then why can't they keep their pants from falling down?"
I might have said, "These folks are so smart, they can do the best work in town with only one hand — while the other hand holds up their pants." But I didn't believe it, so I just didn't hire such poorly attired, er, fashionable people.
3. Stay away from my family.
As the father of a 16-year-old daughter, don't come to my door for a date with your slacks a'slippin'.
You see, the father's primary interest — and your minimum standard — is to keep your pants on the entire evening. If you're on the front step and your pants are already 20% down the flagpole, this is not a good howdy-do.
As a father, I'd like to see your pants hiked up to your nipples. Your resultant chafing is of no concern to me. Thank you.
Otherwise, be gone and don't trip over your cuffs on the way down the walk.
Maybe This Is All My Problem
I've been accused of limiting my life by not welcoming self-destructive people.
Guilty as accused.